Untitled

Okay so today is Christmas. And it was an okay Christmas. There’s been better. But I’m not gonna complain. At least I got things. But, I can’t forget the true reason why we celebrate CHRISTmas. You will know if you celebrate it. I got NEW laptop, 100 dollars, Victoria’s Secret, Aeropostale, Hollister, and iTunes gift card. A new blanket. Some UGG moccasins! A laptop keyboard skin. I am honestly blessed. And I thank God for everything! And I’m working on getting back to being the godly woman I am supposed to be. I have been a little sidetracked lately. And haven’t been the most grateful person. But I’m definitely working towards being the best that I can be, and making 2013 one of the best years of my life. This year I’m coming out of my shell a lot more than I already have. Boy is everybody in for a surprise this year!

I post a lot. Like 5-6 times a day. The next post will be the last post of the day. Some of the post will be diary entries and others will be quotes. And this is for my organization. No one else’s.

I basically write to myself. And I like it that way. It’s a good way to see how I feel even though, I sound like I’m trying to write to an audience. I don’t need people to ‘like’ my posts or whatever. This blog is for me to feel better, when I’m sad or mad. I don’t need the extra attention. This is for me to relieve my stress or anxiety. No matter how hard I try to be happy, sometimes it never works no matter what. I’ll be happy one second then the next I’ll be lashing out. About anything, everything, little things. And it tends to be the people closest to me. I don’t know why. Maybe because I love them? And then I’ll be happy and then hopeless. I will feel like I have no one or nothing. For no reason at all. I have no explanation. I tend to push the people closest to me further away. But I feel like I’m doing nothing wrong. Little things, the simplest things irritate me. Like standing a certain way or moving. Anything. People say oh,  that’s not depression that’s anxiety. Well yeah it is. But I have BOTH. No one will ever know how I feel. Well that’s how I see it or look at it. But I’m sure there are so many other people out here that feel the same way. Don’t judge anyone until you’ve walked in the shoes they have. Period.

Okay so today im a little down. My struggles, she doesn’t have steady income. So with that being said and its Christmas time. She cant get us the things she wants us to have. So shes really sad. I love my mom more than anyone on this whole planet. And it makes me sad to see he sad. And she feels like shes let us down and we deserve better. But shes the best thing I could ask for. Ever. I don’t know what I would ever do without her. And I love her more than anything, anybody, on this whole planet. And if she ever sees this post I want her to know Mom, you are the best Christmas gift ever! And I love you with all my heart. No matter what. These stupid fights mean nothing to me. And sometimes I say things I don’t mean but definitely out of love. Mom, I love you.

I actually feel really good today! Its my hyper mania state of my bipolar  But I feel great today, so why complain? And, hey, its Christmas! So I feel like I should honor God by, having a good attitude, and being nice to my family. Well I have to go. Merry Christmas!

My first time on tumblr! I honestly don’t want any followers.This blog is for me to express my feelings. And won’t be using any real names. I really hope I don’t get any followers. But Anna is my real name. I live in California hope to be a writer someday. It’s my dream job. When i write I get everything off my chest let my emotions that have been building up for so long, release. It’s like a breath of fresh air. I suffer from severe depression. Well not ‘suffer’, but I have severe depression. I don’t cut. Or have any thing against anybody that does. It’s a coping mechanism for some people. Understandable. I actually am pretty popular at school. And I have family issues. I try not to let that effect me. But it can get to me. Welp, that’s basically it! 

Love anna!

and merry Christmas eve!